


you and i walk a fragile line

by brookethenerd



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M, So much angst, but also some happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 18:19:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8763919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brookethenerd/pseuds/brookethenerd
Summary: soulmate au in which anything bad you think about your soulmate shows up on their skin





	

Every time a new word appears, it stings. When they come in full sentences, or long phrases, the pain wakes him up. Tonight, it does so again. 

Philip doesn’t really want to know what it says. It’ll only hurt him. He knows that.

But he also _needs_ to know what it says. He climbs out of bed, and goes into the bathroom, flipping the light on. He hikes his shirt up, revealing his stomach, and turns to his side.

Tonight, it’s only 3 words, but it feels like a million.

 _I hate him,_ written across his left ribcage.

A moment later: _I really hate him._ On his hip.

Bile rises in his throat, and he smacks the light-switch, before going back to his bed. He buries himself beneath the covers, and tries not to think about it, but his hands keep wandering to the raised scars where Lukas’ thoughts will stay for the next few days, until Lukas believes otherwise or until they naturally fade.

This isn’t the first time he’s felt like he’s had the air punched out of him because of one of Lukas’ thoughts. He knows that Lukas deals with the same pain he does, in low moments, when Philip is only thinking about how angry he is at Lukas for making them lie, for not having the strength to just come out, for all of the things he wishes he could change.

But these are different. These are so harsh, so real. It isn’t just _I wish he would just man up and be honest_ or _his shirt is horrible_. His words are cruel, and they cut through Philip like glass.

He keeps running his fingers across them, the loops of the letters, all scrawled in Lukas’ chicken scratch handwriting.

He tries not to hold the words against him. He’s been told since he was little not to; it isn’t your soulmates fault that you know when they’ve thought badly of you.

 _Everyone has a moment of weakness_ , they say.

But this time, it doesn’t seem to be a moment. Because after 3 days, the words are still there, and there are no new ones. This means that Lukas is thinking them over and over.

He also knows that he’s thinking them repeatedly because he can feel it. He can feel it when he passes Lukas in the hallway. He can feel it at night. He can feel it every time he thinks it-and means it.

Lukas doesn’t notice until one day they accidentally bump into each other, one going into the bathroom, the other leaving, during class.

“Sorry.” Philip says.

Even though the hall is empty, Lukas doesn’t say anything, though something does flash in his eyes, before he pushes past him.

The pain slams into Philip a second later. He gasps, shoves his shirt up, and sees blood streaming from the words on his ribs.

Lukas hears, and turns around, eyes going wide.

“Philip? What-“

Philip doesn’t pull his shirt down fast enough. Shame floods Lukas’ face, and his mouth opens, but nothing comes out.

Philip pushes past him, and turns back, going into the bathroom. He rips paper towels off the roll, and gets them wet, pulling his shirt over his head. He dabs at the blood streaming down his side, and stops when the pain does.

Lukas stands behind him silently, watching, an agonized look on his face.

“Philip, I didn’t-“

“Don’t.” Philip snaps. It’s the harshest he’s ever spoken to Lukas, and Lukas notices. He flinches like he’s been hit, and Philip drops his gaze to the sink, grabbing onto the edges. He closes his eyes, and takes a long breath, jaw set.

“Philip.”

His eyes snap open, and he turns to face Lukas.

“Instead of thinking it, write it down. It doesn’t hurt me that way.” He says, hoping Lukas understands what he means; so it doesn’t hurt him physically or emotionally.

“I don’t mean to. I-“

“It’s fine, Lukas. It really doesn’t matter.”

“It does.”

Philip grabs his shirt, and pulls it back over his head. He winces as the fabric brushes against the fresh cuts, and tosses the bloody towel.

When the words cut this deep, there is no taking them back. Even if Lukas no longer believes them, he’s thought them too many times. Philip will have to heal on his own. And if the cuts are deep enough, he’ll have the scar forever.

Lukas opens his mouth to speak, but someone opens the bathroom door, and Philip leaves before Lukas can say anything. And he doesn’t look back; not even when Lukas calls for him.

-

Instead of going back to class, Philip goes up to the roof. He pulls his notebook out, and starts writing down all the bad things about Lukas that are in his head.

Because no matter how angry he is, he doesn’t want Lukas to hurt.

A few minutes later, someone drops down beside him.

“I don’t believe it. What I-when I think it. I swear I don’t.”

“Sure feels like you do.” Philip says, not looking at Lukas, closing his notebook, setting it beside him on the rocky roof.

Lukas doesn’t speak for a moment; Philip can see him chewing on his words out of his peripheral.

“I want to mean them. That’s why I think them. Because that’s how everyone expects me to feel. It’s how they think I should.”

“And what do _you_ feel?” Philip asks.

“I don’t mean them. I could never mean them.” He says.

Philip looks over at him, a crease forming between his brows.

“It hurts like hell.” He says, not just talking about the physical aspect.

“I don’t know how to fix it.” Lukas says, with sad eyes.

Philip runs a hand over his face, turning his attention away again.

Lukas hesitates, before reaching a hand up, gently turning Philip’s head towards him. He leans forward, forehead against Philip’s, eyes closing.

“When I’m with Rose, and my dad, and everybody, I feel fake. Like I’m pretending to be somebody. And when I’m with you, I feel like me. You-you’re the only person who ever made me think that being _me_ was enough.” He says.

Philip lets out a breath, and can feel the words on his hip slowly fading.

“And when I met you, I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly. Even if everyone else thinks it’s wrong.” Lukas says.

“I don’t mean it. I’ll never mean it. I promise.” He says.

He tilts his chin up, kissing Philip softly.

Philip pulls away, the tiniest smile on his lips.

“And you claim you’ve got nothing to say.” Philip says.

Lukas smiles, and wraps an arm around Philip’s shoulders, pulling him into him.

“You’re never gonna let that go, are you?”

Philip smiles.

“Never.”


End file.
